A week ago my twin brother (we will call him PATTY) invited me to embark on a field trip to the man salon, and yes it is truly a spa/salon for men only. I have never been one to shy away from the salon because of manhood issues. I am quite in contact with my masculinity and metro sexual side. I have been known to occasionally wax an eyebrow or two, pay $100 to have my short ass hair trimmed by a hot girl to receive ultimately the same results super cuts could have done for 10 bucks in 10 minutes. I even get the occasional massage, and it is only because they feel so damn good, no other reason. A few weeks before this particular trip to the man salon my brother for his b-day decided he would treat himself to a manicure and pedicure. Hmm... is what i asked myself..hmmm In my mind that was the fence i would not cross. I take care of my fingers and toes, and really feel that is walking a very thin line for the man i perceive myself to be. I kind of have some issues with someone cleaning the crap from under my nails and between my toes, i mean they have no idea where i have been or what i have been doing. I have also heard stories of sheer terror and pain from manicures. Ahh the hang nail and not to mention have you ever pulled off that tiny thin piece of skin outlining the side of the fingernail that has worked itself loose? I have had paper cuts between my toes that hurt less. You tell yourself you should wait until you get home to the clippers and neatly cut it off like a precise surgeon, but hell no your at work or sitting on a bench feeding the pigeons or listening to your wife talk about how distant you have been lately and how "we need to spend more quality time expressing feelings and talking about our lives!" and all i can think about is this little flap of fingernail skin daring me to pull it off. So i try to bite it off, but its too short, and finally as my wife says "are you listening to me? do you ever listen to me" i pull. At first it doesn't seem to be too bad, and then the blood comes, and i just happen to be eating tater tots from sonic that i just poured a jar of salt on, and where does the salt go? .i exclaim "holy shit that hurts." My wife hangs up on me and all i can think about is the fact that i did the same damn thing last week on my other hand. at the same sonic mind you. Why is it so tempting? so the last thing i want is to pay some oriental lady to pull it off for me. (for those of you that dont know me, that was a perfect example of me on a rambling tangent)
Anyway Pattyboy called and said "hey were going to the manspa and were getting pedicures after work." I replied with a "not a chance," but, could i maybe get a facial. Yes that is exactly what i said. I haven't a clue where it came from, and this from a guy that earlier had made fun of my brother for his previous hand and toe hygiene. A freaking facial, "I don't know" i said to myself "it sounds relaxing and it could be good for my complexion." kidding i didn't say that....or did I?
I get to the man spa, immediately upon arrival i was asked if i would like a beer, sportscenter is on multiple flat screens strategically placed throughout this gateway to heaven, and i am thinking to myself wow i am home. I walk up to the receptionist whose name is Cat, and give her my name. Cat exclaims "oh yeah! the guy getting the facial." with a tiny smirk on her face. At this point i had two options: boldly say why yes i am, is that a problem, or immediately lie, then with a laugh say are you kidding, i am here for the beer and a trim. I did neither, i sadly bowed my head and said "yep that would be me." I was taken back to a room, that ofcourse passed by my brother whom was in total ecstasy getting his legs and feet rubbed, by an extremely attractive girl! AHH its all about the ladies, and i now realized my brothers reasoning for going to this place, not to mention it really is a good concept. I slowly moved on down the hallway ignoring the chuckle from both of them and proceeded to my room where luckily an equally attractive employee greets me and asks me to lay back and it was facial time.
She asked my name and what i did for a living, the common first time meet and greet stuff and i was starting to feel ok about my choice, but then she makes the comment that sent me to a very dark place.. she innocently said "You know, i think you are the only guy that has ever received a facial here, i definitely know its the first one i have ever done, and i have been here since we opened a year ago"... The chuckles from the other room my so called brother was in erupted into full blown laughter.
But hey theres a first for everything, the facial felt damn good, she was hot, i made plenty of manly sports and hunting comments to secure my manhood and by the end of it, my face glowed and felt like a baby's butt.
The moral of the story is not try everything once, as one might think. It is we as men will pay pretty girls full rate for pretty much anything a salon has to offer, and then tip you 50% on top of the bill, because we are all pretty much idiots.
